haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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