how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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