You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
