Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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