i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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