Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
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I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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