I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize