I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
