Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
