ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
