Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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