I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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