Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(913): View more from Kansas

I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.

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(248): View more from Michigan

He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"

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The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Read it at the TFLN blog
(503): View more from Oregon

Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.

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(619): View more from California

I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.

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(520): View more from Arizona

Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...

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(530): View more from California

I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.

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