Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!

  (408): View more from California

  Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...

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  (650): i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner! (408): Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland... http://tfl.nu/1sp2
  Replies (41) Good night (3544) Bad night (938)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites

  (1-516): View more from New York

  Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?

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  (516): Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites (1-516): Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class? http://tfl.nu/4qhs
  Replies (23) Good night (3317) Bad night (632)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.

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  (785): if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone. http://tfl.nu/lyyb
  Replies (31) Good night (1007) Bad night (4843)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine

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  (703): She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine http://tfl.nu/jb79
  Replies (41) Good night (840) Bad night (5424)
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  (585): View more from New York

  I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine

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  (585): I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine http://tfl.nu/d7kh
  Replies (12) Good night (1031) Bad night (6529)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.

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  (859): The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know. http://tfl.nu/3jb2
  Replies (17) Good night (5986) Bad night (858)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.

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  (813): Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature. http://tfl.nu/pp7x
  Replies (16) Good night (1928) Bad night (1100)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night

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  (978): How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night http://tfl.nu/80v5
  Replies (7) Good night (988) Bad night (2101)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet

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  (803): Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet http://tfl.nu/m2pn
  Replies (3) Good night (1480) Bad night (658)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?

  (281): View more from Texas

  If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!

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  (214): Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex? (281): If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy! http://tfl.nu/0a5o
  Replies (16) Good night (2506) Bad night (717)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.

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  (479): I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital. http://tfl.nu/6mwi
  Replies (1) Good night (780) Bad night (374)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am

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  (724): He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am http://tfl.nu/u9dt
  Replies (3) Good night (553) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.

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  (206): Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix. http://tfl.nu/tj1m
  Replies (2) Good night (562) Bad night (253)
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  (805): View more from California

  you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends

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  (805): you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends http://tfl.nu/d359
  Replies (5) Good night (404) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.

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  (802): Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college. http://tfl.nu/k8r1
  Replies (0) Good night (618) Bad night (233)

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