im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.