I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
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