haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
