Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
