so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.