just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
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Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
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I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2