I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead