I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.