Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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