can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
