they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
my liver is dry heaving
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
