As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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