I murdered the dance floor call the cops
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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