Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
