I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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