i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
