I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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