i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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