I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
