Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
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You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
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Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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