even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
