i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
