We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
