yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
im holly from the hills drunk
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All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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