At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
