I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
