At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
