I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
