Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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