Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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