Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
