I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
