You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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