I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
