you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
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Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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