She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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