they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
