Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
