I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
