Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
