anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
