where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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