the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
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I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
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apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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