Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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