Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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