There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
