On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
