im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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