dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
