i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
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He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
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I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
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