and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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