Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize