bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
