Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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