I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize