It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
