exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
