And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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